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Skimm for November 11th

Skimm’d while sipping on a Chestnut Praline Latte at Starbucks. Feel the cheer. Buy one holiday drink, get one free to share. You go Glenn Coco.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“#ALLMYMOVIES” — What Shia LaBeouf is calling his latest ‘performance.’ He’s invited people to watch him watch every Shia LaBeouf movie in reverse chronological order.

GOP, YEAH YOU KNOW ME

THE STORY

Last night, there was another GOP presidential debate. This time, the candidates dared you not to fall asleep.

WHAT’D THEY TALK ABOUT?

Immigration…as in the issue Donald Trump wants to build a wall around. Gov. John Kasich (OH) loudly said ‘hard pass’ to that plan — and that, by the way, you can’t just ship out 11 million undocumented immigrants. Former Gov. Jeb Bush (FL) smiled and nodded.

Tax plan...as in the issue that made Sen. Rand Paul (KY) and Sen. Marco Rubio (FL) have an existential chat about what a ‘true conservative’ means. Former HP Exec Carly Fiorina thinks the tax code needs the SparkNotes treatment. And Bush says tax reform is #1 on his presidential priority list.

Trade deal…as in the issue known as the Trans-Pacific Partnership. Trump said it’s a “horrible deal” that will let China come in through the “back door.” Hehe.

Foreign policy...as in the issue that made Dr. Ben Carson borrow from Trump’s Greatest Hits and say we need to make jihadists look like “losers.” Meanwhile, Trump — who knows Russian President Putin well from being on the same episode of “60 Minutes” — is all for Putin ‘knocking the hell out of ISIS.’ Fiorina dropped the mic and said ‘I see your Putin experience and raise you a private meeting with him.’

Dodd-Frank...as in the banking regulation overhaul law that was passed after the financial crisis and whose mention makes the candidates see red(der). Especially Sen. Ted Cruz (TX). When asked if he would let a ‘too big to fail’ company like Bank of America go under during a financial crisis, he wasted no time saying ‘yup.’ To which BofA’s PR team said ‘thanks.’

theSKIMM

The last debate was all about the moderators. This debate was all about the candidates trying to show everyone they can take on one another. Good timing, because this was one of the last debates before the primary season kicks off. Hooray!

REPEAT AFTER ME...

WHAT TO SAY TO YOUR CO-WORKER WHO’S #1 IN THE OFFICE FANTASY LEAGUE…

Don’t plan on trying to make money off those skillz. Yesterday, New York’s attorney general pulled the plug on DraftKings and FanDuel — two hugely popular fantasy sports companies that award cash money to winners. Up until now, sites like these have been exempt under a federal law against online sports gambling because they’re said to involve more skill than luck. But the NY AG doesn’t agree. He says they’re leading a “multibillion-dollar scheme” to “evade the law and fleece sports fans across the country.” The AG started digging into the companies operations after a DraftKings employee accidentally released data before that week’s NFL games. And then went on to win $350,000 from his fantasy picks over at FanDuel. Cue a lot of raised eyebrows. This could lead to other states across the country wanting to shut down, or further regulate, the world of online fantasy sports. Side incomes, sidelined.

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE HAVING A GREAT HAIR DAY AND IT STARTS TO RAIN…

Win some, lose some. Yesterday, the Senate passed a defense policy bill that President Obama is expected to approve. But the bill also bans moving Guantanamo Bay prisoners to the US. Which is a big loss for Obama, since that was a big part of his plan to close the controversial prison. A lot of people think this means Obama will pull the ‘executive power’ card out of his pocket. Again. And speaking of...Obama’s immigration plan has been having a rough go. Late last year, Obama used executive actions to give millions of undocumented immigrants the chance to temporarily stay in the US without the fear of deportation. Earlier this year, a federal court said that was no bueno. Earlier this week, a different federal court upheld that decision and now Obama’s asking the Supremes to hear the case. Most likely in 2016. Which in cased you missed it, is also an election year.

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU GET A CALL FROM YOUR CREDIT CARD COMPANY...

I’ve been hacked. Yesterday, three men — two Israeli and one American – were charged in the largest-ever US bank data breach . The feds say these men stole the private info of more than 100 million customers at JPMorgan, Fidelity, and 10 other companies. The suspects were allegedly part of a secret group of hackers. For years, they’ve allegedly been collecting customer info — like email addresses — and using it to profit on things like stock manipulation and illegal Internet casinos around the world. They’ve apparently been laundering the cash through dozens of shell companies and bank accounts under fake names. Which worked well for a while. Until it didn’t.

WHAT TO SAY TO YOUR FRIENDS WHO ‘DON’T UNDERSTAND’ SNAPCHAT...

Fidelity hears ya. Snapchat recently took a hit from big-name investor Fidelity when it marked down the value of its stake in The Little Dancing Ghost by 25%. Snapchat is the go-to social media for your cousin in college, and 100 million other daily users. It’s also one of the most highly valued private companies in the US. Fidelity didn’t explain the markdown. But that could be because Snapchat is still working out that whole ‘sustainable revenue’ thing, experimenting with different advertising formats that may or may not be all that successful. This comes as a lot of people are giving the side-eye to sky-high Silicon Valley valuations, and wondering if their investments are worth it – or whether they’ll just disappear.

WHAT TO SAY TO YOUR CO-WORKER WHO’S BEEN BINGE-WATCHING “MASTER OF NONE”…

I hope you have T-Mobile.

THING TO KNOW

Diwali: Happening this week. An annual Hindu festival of lights that symbolizes good winning out over evil. It’s also one of India’s biggest holidays, and why you’ll see lots of pics of candles and fireworks today. Tell anyone celebrating “Happy Diwali.”

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