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Skimm for January 12th

Skimm’d with a side of college football.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“A creative center” – How Playboy describes the Playboy Mansion. It’s going on sale for $200 million. Hugh Hefner included for the foreseeable future. Smoking jacket sold separately.

LAST CHANCE DANCE

THE STORY

President Obama’s giving his final State of the Union address tonight at 9pm ET. Make some noooooiiiiiseeee.

WHO’S GOING?

Vice President Joe Biden and House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-WI) have box seats behind Obama. Prepare for uncoordinated facial expressions. Also on the invite list: the Cabinet, the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the Supreme Court, and members of Congress. First Lady Michelle Obama’s invited some VIPs to sit with her.

WHO’S NOT GOING?

One lucky Cabinet member gets to hang back with all the important passwords in case something bad happens. This is supposed to comfort you.

CAN I GET A CHEAT SHEET?

But of course. Obama’s advisers have been dropping hints about what he’ll talk about. Spoiler alert...

“The economy”...as in the US unemployment rate is better than it was before the recession, and the Fed recently decided to back off the last of its post-crisis hand-holding. Obama will say that’s because his policies are paying off. The GOP presidential candidates beg to differ.

“The migrant and refugee crisis”...as in it’s still a crisis. Since last year’s Paris attacks, there’s been a debate about whether to halt or slow the number of Syrian refugees coming to the US. Obama’s very much on the welcome committee, and will shout out to one of MObama’s guests – a Syrian refugee who recently moved to the US.

“National security”...as in ISIS is still on everybody’s sh*t list. Obama’s leading the international coalition against the group in Syria and Iraq. But the group spent the last year recruiting supporters to carry out attacks on western countries, so he may have to address what the Carrie Mathisons are doing to keep the homeland safe.

“Immigration”...as in GOP candidates have been swinging more to the right on immigration proposals in recent months, with phrases like ‘big, beautiful wall’ coming up a lot. Mr. Prez will say that’s not what ‘Murica’s about.

“Gun control”...as in the First Lady’s guest box will also include an empty chair for victims of gun violence. In the wake of Newtown, and more recent shootings in places like San Bernardino, tightening gun control laws has been on the top of the president’s to-do list.

ANYTHING ELSE?

There’s a post-game party. Gov. Nikki Haley (R-SC) will give a rebuttal for the GOP. She’s the one who pushed for the Confederate flag to come down on SC gov. grounds after last year’s Charleston shooting. PS — many are saying she could show up on the GOP ticket as Veep later this year. Stay tuned.

theSKIMM

This speech will be less of a to-do list and more of a greatest hits tour of Obama’s presidency. But it’s still an election year. And the president would really like to pass the torch to a Democrat. So if it feels kinda like a campaign speech, that’s because it is.

REPEAT AFTER ME...

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU HEAR LIONEL MESSI WON A BIG SOCCER PRIZE FOR THE FIFTH TIME IN A ROW…

Being the best is hard. Just ask Alabama. Yesterday, the team beat Clemson in the College Football Playoff national championship game. Going into the game, both teams had some advantages. Alabama has running back Derrick Henry who won that little thing called the Heisman Trophy this season. And Clemson was the only undefeated college football team in the country. The teams were tied at halftime, but ‘Bama sealed the deal with a risky call to win 45-40. This is Alabama’s fourth national title in seven seasons. Clear eyes, Roll Tide, can’t lose.

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOUR MOM SENDS YOU AN EMAIL ABOUT YOUR WEIRD COUSIN’S WEDDING…

Is that mandatory? Yesterday, the Supreme Court hinted it might be ready to get rid of mandatory public union fees. This case was brought by a group of California teachers. They’re challenging a law that requires them to pay collective bargaining fees to the teacher’s union even if they aren’t members. Collective bargaining: the ability to negotiate things like wages as a group. These teachers are saying ‘not fair,’ and that they don’t want their money going towards union activities they might disagree with. Right-leaning Supremes seemed to agree. The union is saying ‘this is BS,’ and that these teachers just want the benefits of union bargaining without having to pay for it. Left-leaning Supremes seemed to agree. It looks like these teachers could have an edge. And if they win, it could affect millions of dollars in dues that help fund unions across the country. The final ruling comes in June.

WHAT PEOPLE ARE WATCHING…

Istanbul. Today, an explosion in a central tourist area there killed at least 10 people and injured 15 others. The cause of the explosion is being investigated, but local media said it was likely a suicide bomber. This comes as Turkey’s been dealing with attacks from ISIS, with two major bombings in the country blamed on the group last year. Meanwhile, Iraq is also still dealing with ISIS in a big way. Yesterday, the group claimed responsibility for two attacks there — one at a mall in Baghdad and another at a cafe north of the city. More than 30 people were killed in the attacks, and yesterday was one of the most violent days in the region in months. It’s a setback for ‘team defeat ISIS,’ which has been riding high after running the group out of a key city in the area last month.

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOUR BF BUYS HIS THIRD POWERBALL TICKET…

Jackpot high. Oil prices low. Yesterday, oil prices dropped to $31 a barrel - aka their lowest in almost 12 years. Good news for your wallet, since the average price for a gallon of gas is under $2. Bad news for global markets - yesterday, the news caused a major selloff after investors got nervous that prices could dip even lower in the near future. This is mostly thanks to too much supply and too little demand. It doesn’t help that OPEC - a gang of oil-producing countries - refuses to stop pumping oil into the market because they’re trying to make that cash money. It also doesn’t help that Iran could start exporting oil again as part of last year’s nuclear deal. Start planning your cross-country road trip.

WHAT TO SAY TO YOUR DAD WHO’S CONTEMPLATING AN EARLY RETIREMENT IN FLORIDA…

These elephants beat you to it.

WHAT TO SAY WHEN NONE OF YOUR HINGE MATCHES WORK OUT…

This won’t make you feel better. Turns out, Rupert Murdoch’s still got it. The 84-year-old media mogul (hint: you know him from the media companies he owns like Fox News, The Wall Street Journal, etc) popped the question to former model and Mick Jagger’s baby mamma, Jerry Hall. They got engaged over the weekend. This is Murdoch’s fourth time down the aisle. Because you know…fourth time’s a charm.

THING TO KNOW

Rainy day fund: Your umbrella-ella-ella for a bad financial storm. Think: a fund with enough money to last three to six months that you can access when you need it. Not cash under your mattress. Think like a grown up with a short-term bond or a CD (certificate of deposit) that you can’t touch for a certain amount of time. Set it up. Hint: spending your rainy day fund on post-holiday sales does not make the sun come out.

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