Daily Skimm: Ball so hard

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Skimm for February 5th

Skimm’d over BBQ and politics

QUOTE OF THE DAY “I’m gonna show up at the courthouse...and I’m gonna tell you what happens not week by week, but day by day” - “Serial” host Sarah Koenig on her continued podcast coverage of Adnan Syed, who’s in court fighting for a retrial. It wasn’t over, it still isn’t over.  Skimm This

SUPER BALLS

THE STORY It’s the final countdowwwwwwn. Super Bowl 50 is here. The Denver Broncos vs. the Carolina Panthers. Hike. NO ROMAN NUMERALS? Nope. The NFL ditched them this time around to “further elevate and celebrate the historic 50th Super Bowl.” Translation: roman numerals are hard. WHEN AND WHERE? Sunday at 6pm ET at the Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara, CA. Watch it on CBS or on CBS’s live stream if you don’t feel like surrounding yourself with people wearing face paint. HATE FOOTBALL. IGNORE. You do you. But…last year a record 114.5 million people tuned in. That’s more than a third of the US population. And this year is supposed to be even bigger. Panthers QB Cam Newton is the League’s shiny new zebra-pants-wearing superstar. Even though, again, he’s a panther. Don’t confuse your stripes. Broncos QB Peyton Manning is one of the most iconic players ever — and this could be his “last rodeo.” HOW DO I PRE-GAME? On all fours. The 3rd Annual Kitten Bowl is on the Hallmark Channel at 12pm ET. And the 12th Annual Puppy Bowl is on Animal Planet at 3pm ET. Nerd alert: you can now watch teams Ruff vs. Fluff in  virtual reality. I’VE BEEN HEARING THE WORD ‘DABBING’ A LOT? That would be Cam Newton’s favorite touchdown dance. Thanks to his near-perfect record this season, he’s had a lot of opportunities to refine it. Highly annoying or highly entertaining, depending on which side of the field you’re on. Cam says ‘sorry I’m not sorry.’ I’VE BEEN HEARING THE LETTERS ‘HGH’ A LOT… That would be “human growth hormone.” Aka how to cheat at body building. Late last year, Al Jazeera published a report claiming that Peyton Manning’s wife had HGH sent to their home in 2011 — a huge no-no in the NFL. According to Manning, this is  “complete garbage.” Al Jazeera’s main source later retracted everything he said. Still, the NFL is going to do a  full investigation  into the situation…which won’t be finished until after the Super Bowl. You won’t find this in the Book of Manning. IS IT HALFTIME YET? Breakout the tissues: Coldplay is coming. Beyonce will show up at some point to save you from all your feels. And remind you who run the (Super Bowl halftime) world. SKIP TO THE PART ABOUT THE ADS. Welcome to Ad Bowl, where $5 million buys you 30-seconds. Yes, that’s the most expensive it’s ever been. Spoiler alert…Christopher Walken is in a “Walken Closet” for Kia.  Helen Mirren thinks drunk drivers are ‘oxygen-wasting, human forms of pollution.’ Amazon’s starting Alec Baldwin.  T-Mobile’s  creative team is apparently still watching the “Hotline Bling” video. At some point, Budweiser will trot out a Clydesdale to make you cry. Don’t fight it. WHAT’S THE SPREAD? Not talking about your BF’s ‘famous’ seven-layer dip. Spread: the expected difference between the teams’ final scores. Vegas thinks the Panthers have it by less than a touchdown. WHAT NAMES DO I NEED TO KNOW? BRONCOS Peyton Manning…QB. Aka “The Sheriff.” He’s got one Super Bowl ring and he’d very much like another. PS: he’s 39 (getting up there by NFL standards), and has had so many injuries that it now takes him 15 minutes  to take off his uniform at the end of a game — which is partly why many think he’ll sign off after this season. Demaryius Thomas…wide receiver. His mother did time for drug-related offenses for years. She recently got out of prison and saw him  play for the first time…in one of the games that took him to the Super Bowl. Misty eyes, full hearts, can’t lose. Emmanuel Sanders…wide receiver. At 5’11”, he’s on the small fry side for his position but he’s known for some clutch plays. Von Miller…linebacker with the big D. As in he’s the one leading the Bronco’s top defense squad. Giddyup. DeMarcus Ware…linebacker. He’s the other ‘old man’ on the team besides Manning. He’s 33. So he’s stocking up on dental gum and orthotics. Aqib Talib…cornerback. The one spending extra time studying Cam Newton, who he thinks is the “most dangerous quarterback in the NFL.” Cam he deal with that? PANTHERS Cam Newton…QB 1. The one who’s favored to pick up the NFL’s MVP title, and who’s only lost one game all season. He’s been forced to play a lot of off-the-field defense from people who say his  touchdown celebrations (think: dabbing, dancing, impersonating Superman, and handing out balls to kids) are over-the-top obnoxious. Cam says ‘if you don’t like it, don’t let me into the end zone.’ Fair ball. Greg Olsen…tight end. One of the top TEs in the league and Cam Newton’s #1 man. MK&A vibes. Josh Norman…cornerback. Probably the best in the league right now. Just don’t ask Giants WR Odell Beckham Jr. about it. Luke Kuechly…linebacker. And a nice guy. He’ll pick you up when you’re down. Michael Oher…left tackle. Also Sandra Bullock’s “Blind Side” son IRL. theSKIMM These teams haven’t faced off against one another in years. The Broncos came out on top last time, but that was before Cam Newton hit his stride. You’ve heard that ‘defense wins championships.’ So this game – with two of the top defenses in the NFL – could get really good. THE *: The Super Bowl is kinda like the NFL’s final rose ceremony. Click the insta button below to see what we’re talking about. Skimm This

REPEAT AFTER ME...

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOUR CO-WORKER’S HAVING A TOUGH DAY... Be progressive, be be progressive. That’s what the Dems would say. Last night, Fmr. Sec. of State Hillary Clinton and Sen. Bernie Sanders (VT) tried to out-progressive each other and put you to sleep in the process. It worked. MSNBC hosted the slumber party-slash-debate. The candidates talked all night. The moderators did not. The debate was kinda like hearing the same playlist on repeat. The lineup? Wall Street, and who’d be least likely to get invited to a bottomless banking brunch. Healthcare, and whether Bern’s universal plan is realistic. Spoiler: Hillz thinks not. The Mideast, and who studied the ‘who hates who’ flowchart harder. Iowa, and why no one cares who actually won. Hillary’s emails , and why Bernie still DGAF about them. Campaign finance. Bernie tooted his small donor horn, while Hillz said she’s never changed a position based on what her donors think. PS: this all went down in New Hampshire, where the first primary of 2016 is happening on Tuesday. Here’s your cheat sheet. Skimm This

WHAT TO SAY TO YOUR FRIEND WHO THINKS WORKING OUT MEANS WALKING AROUND THE BLOCK… Kick it up a notch. Yesterday, Saudi Arabia raised its hand and said ‘we’re ready to send ground troops to Syria to fight ISIS.’ Refresher: Syria’s a hot mess. Forces supporting President Assad (backed by Russia and Iran) are in a five-year civil war with moderate rebels (backed by the US and friends, including Saudi Arabia). Earlier this week, peace talks between the two sides fell apart. And while both sides have been focused on the war, ISIS has had time to swoop in and become everyone’s common enemy. Which means there are a lot of cooks — who don’t get along — in the ISIS-fighting kitchen in Syria. Meanwhile, the US said it hasn’t had time to review Saudi Arabia’s proposal yet. File this under ‘to be continued…’

WHAT TO SAY TO YOUR FRIEND LEARNING TO CODE… Be careful who you hack for. Today, a UN panel ruled in favor of WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange. You know WikiLeaks as that hack-loving site whose hair is so big because it’s full of secrets. For years, it’s been publishing things like classified info about the US military. That hasn’t gone over so well with the US. In 2010, Assange himself became part of the story when he was accused of rape and sexual assault by two Swedish women. He claimed he was innocent. To avoid extradition to Sweden, he knocked on the door of the Ecuadorian embassy in London. Because, why not? Ecuador granted him political asylum , and he’s been chilling in the embassy ever since. That hasn’t gone over so well with the UK. Fast forward to today when a UN panel said he’s being “arbitrarily detained.” Assange hopes to use that ruling to get his arrest warrant dropped and passport returned. But the UK says it will probably still arrest him. Assange fears that if he’s in British custody, or extradited to Sweden, it will be easier for the US to go after him for all his WikiLeaks work. WikiLong story. Skimm This

SKIMM READS “Opening Belle” by Maureen Sherry Think: “The Wolf of Wall Street” from a woman’s perspective. Reese Witherspoon’s making it into a movie, so get into it now. Skimm This

SKIMM WINE Late nights on Wall Street (see above) call for wine. Try this cabernet sauvignon to get in the mood.

SKIMM SHARE Start your weekend the right way. Share theSkimm.

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